Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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