I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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