i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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