Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
