Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
that's an acceptable place to lick
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
