Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
