You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
