is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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