I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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