its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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