She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
