Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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