just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
