i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
