I want to have your abortion
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
