Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
