I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
