Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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