sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
