I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
