allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
