Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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