Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
