i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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