Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
sex in a hospital.. check
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
