I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
