Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
