The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
