i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
