I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
