Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
