i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
