Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize