After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
