She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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