Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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