so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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