he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
