The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
