There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
