"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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