hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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