i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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