I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
