she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
