mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
