i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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