My friends, they love my intelligence
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
