hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
