yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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