It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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