I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
