I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
