Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
