By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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