she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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