Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
