The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
found the other keg... it's in the tree
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
