so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
be right there i have to get my cape
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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