Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
