her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
