We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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