Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
