I feel like I'm in dance class right now
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
