I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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