Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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