cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
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I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
my poor anus
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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