Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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