last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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