If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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