just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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