did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
