you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
