the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
